Narrator: And now's it time for Obscure Broadway Show Tunes with Larry. The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings an obscure Broadway show tune. Without further ado, from the unknown musical "Office Supplies," the heart-rending love song, "Where Have All the Staplers Gone?"
Larry: We don't have much time before the big meeting.
Petunia: No. No, we don't.
Larry: Have you seen the scissors, miss?
Petunia: They're in the bottom drawer
Larry: I tried that drawer but they're there no more
Petunia: That's odd
Larry: I know I thought for sure
Petunia: Have you seen the masking tape?
Larry: It's right next to the phone
Petunia: That's what I thought but now's it not
I guess I should have known
Together: Ohhhh...Where have all the staplers gone?
What happened to our paper clips?
Petunia: The ballpoint pens are gone again
Larry: They're gone again
Together: The stick-it pads have lost their stick
Do you remember when...
Larry: The rubber bands were in their place?
Petunia: They're in the middle drawer
Rubber Bands: Middle drawer, middle drawer
Larry: Light bulbs easy to replace
Petunia: Yes!
Larry: There were always more
Petunia: Reams of paper raining down
Paper: Raining, raining down
Together: Legal pads a plenty
Legal Pads: We're legal
Petunia: Highlighters in every hue
Larry: I remember!
Together: Never less than twenty
Ohhhh...Where have all the staplers gone?
What happened to our paper clips?
Larry: The ballpoint pens are gone again
Petunia: They're gone again
Together: We've run out of packing slips
Petunia: Someday my prints will come
Larry: Please replace the toner
Petunia: Someday we'll find more of
Larry: Our manila folders
Petunia: Someday my prints will come
Larry: Where's the printer cable?
Petunia: Someday we'll find more of
Together: Adhesive shipping labels
Ohhhh...Where have all the staplers gone?
What happened to our paper clips?
Paper Clips/Staplers: Paper clips
Larry: The ballpoints are gone again
Petunia: They're gone again
Together: The Sharpies all have flattened tips
Where have all the staplers gone?
Narrator: This has been Obscure Broadway Show Tunes with Larry. Tune in for act two: Revenge of the Staplers.
New Lyrics 
