Salesman #1: Allow us to introduce our selves,
We're neighbors
Salesman #2: We moved in down the street!
Salesman #1: Some say we're the most delightful bunch
Of fellows
Salesman #3: You'll ever want to meet!
Salesman #1: And if you have a moment to spare,
Kind lady with beauty so ... rare.
We'd like to take a minute or two
On a topic of interest to you.
Salesmen: We represent the Stuff Mart
Salesman #2: An enormous land of goodies
Salesman #1: Would you mind if we stepped in, please?
Salesmen: And as associates of the Stuff Mart
Salesman #1: It looks like you could use some stuff!
I pray that you won't take this wrong, my dear
But initial observation is as follows:
The criminal responsible for this decor
Really should be hanging from the gallows!
Salesmen: We represent the Stuff Mart
Salesman #2: A magic land of retail
Salesman #3: Would you care to see what's on sale?
Salesmen: Then as a customer of the Stuff Mart
Get ready for some real nice stuff!
Salesman #2 and #3: Check it out! Check it out!
Salesman #1: If you want a big hat
Salesman #2 and #3: We got that!
Salesman #1: If you need a tube of glue
Salesman #2 and #3: We got that too!
Salesman #1: A 20 gallon wok?
Salesman #2 and #3: They're in stock!
And if you need refrigerators
To keep extra mashed potatoes
Or a giant air compressor
To blow fruit flies off your dresser
Or a dehydrated strudel
Or a nose ring for your poodle
Or a five pound can of tuna
And some flippers to go scuba
Scuba! Scuba! Scooby-doo-be-doo-ba!
Here we go, scuba! Come on!
Salesman #1: If you need a rubber hose
Salesman #2 and #3: We got those!
Salesman #1: A rhododendron tree
Salesman #2 and #3: We got three!
Salesman #1: A wrap-around deck
Salesman #2 and #3: Gotta check!
But if you need a window scraper
And a gross of toilet paper
Or a rachet set and pliers
And surround sound amplifiers
And a solar turkey chopper
Or a padded gopher bopper
Flannel shirts for looking grungy
And some rope for goin' bunji
Bunji! Bunji! Bunji-wun-gee-fun-gee!
Here we go, bunji! Come on!
Salesman #1: What we've mentioned are only just some
Salesman #2: Of the wonderful things yet to come
Salesman #1: These pictures you keep are so ... nice
Salesman #3: But you really should take our advice
Salesman #1: Happiness waits at the Stuff Mart!
Salesmen: All you need is lots ... more ... stuff!
Salesman #2 and #3: You really, really ought to!
Madame: How could I afford not to?
Salesman #1: Happiness waits at the Stuff Mart!
Salesmen: All you need is lots ... more ... stuff!
New Lyrics 
