Words and music by Irving Berlin and Vincent Bryan]
[1st verse:]
A great big tree grows near our house
It's been there quite some time
This tree's a slipp'ry elm tree and very hard to climb
But when my wife starts after me, up in that tree I roost
I go up like a healthy squirrel and never need no boost
The other day a woodman came to chop the refuge down
And carve it into kindling wood, to peddle 'round the town
I says to him, "I pray thee cease, desist, refrain and stop
Lay down that razor, man, chop not a single chop"
[chorus:]
Woodman, woodman, spare that tree
Touch not a single bough
For years it has protected me
And I'll protect it now
Chop down an oak, a birch or pine
But not this slipp'ry elm of mine
It's the only tree that my wife can't climb
So spare that tree
[2nd verse:]
I said to him, "You see that hole
Up near that old treetop
I've got five dollars there, that's yours, if you refrain to chop
No beast but me can climb that tree, 'cause it's too slippery
I can't get up myself, unless my wife is after me
So get my wife and I'll call her a very naughty word
And then you'll see me give an imitation of a bird
You may not know just where to go, when my wife gets around
But when she comes, remember this, if I'm not on the ground"
[Introduced by Bert Williams
New Lyrics 
