[Singers:]
Here is the tale of a babysitting job,
The baby is something of a snob,
[Stewie:]
Oh, go fuck yourselves
[Singers:]
So listen very closely, and you'll find
That what they say is not the same as what's on their minds
[Haylie:]
Aren't you a cute little boy
[Haylie's Thoughts:]
Look at that melon shaped head
[Stewie:]
Having you here is a joy
[Stewie's Thoughts:]
And in an hour you'll be dead
[Haylie:]
Sit on my knee
[Haylie's Thoughts:]
Please don't go poo
[Stewie:]
Nice place to be
[Stewie's Thoughts:]
This one's for you
[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal
[Haylie:]
Why don't we watch Will & Grace
[Thought:]
Jesus, do I need a smoke
[Stewie:]
Jack puts a smile on my face
[Thought:]
Oh, what a surprise, a gay joke
[Haylie:]
I like your house
[Thought:]
The ceiling has cracks
[Stewie:]
I like your blouse
[Thought:]
Miss TJ Maxx
[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal
[Singers:]
So they sat as time went by
[Haylie:]
Slowly as time could go
[Singers:]
The baby blarred, and softly cursed
[Stewie:]
Cause her lips, and her skirt, and her shoes,
And her hair made her look like a hoe
[Haylie:]
Time for your bottle my sweet
[Thought:]
This little brat smells like piss
[Stewie:]
Alway's a succulent treat
[Thought:]
While I suck that, you suck this
[Haylie:]
Aren't you a sight
[Thought:]
Look at him drool
[Stewie:]
You're a delight
[Thought:]
Damn you, you fool
[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal
[Singers:]
The diaper change was quite a job
[Haylie:]
The grossest I've ever seen
[Singers:]
The baby smiled and took a breath
[Stewie:]
And I grunted and pooped out a poop,
That looked something like Matthew Modine
[Haylie:]
Someday you might meet a girl
[Thought:]
Yeah, she's gonna be your right hand
[Stewie:]
Maybe it's you my sweet pearl
[Thought:]
Darling, I'd rather fuck sand
[Haylie:]
Have a good night
[Thought:]
You little creep
[Stewie:]
Have a good night
[Thought:]
Die in your sleep
[Both:]
Babysitting is a bum deal
Babysitting is a bum deal
New Lyrics 
