If I have a date and I think I'm gonna mount her, I go to the drugstore and head to the counter. I get what I need and I put it in my wallet. It's the same old thing no matter what you call it.
A condom, A scrote coat, A manhole cover, A pork cork, A clam dam, A plain ol' rubber, A head shed, A knob swab, A third leg stocking.
It's all the same when your bed starts rockin'. Oh my.
If you wanna meet me for a little tryst, Put a Coney Island white fish on your shoppin' list. Slip it on when you're getting hot. Then no one has to sleep on the gooey spot.
Get a gent tent, A carp tarp, A halt leg trouser, A wood hood, A clap cap, A doogie houser, A wank tank, A root boot, A prophylactic.
It'll look real slick in a johnson jacket. Wrap that rascal up in a salami sling.
When you hit the sack, You're ready, Jack, To do the nasty thing.
Put on a jock sock, A beav sleeve, A canyon coaster, A ball shawl, A spunk trunk, A love gun holster, A meat sheet, A goose noose, A rod partition.
Do the math. There's no new addition.
I met a young lady in a single's bar. Pretty soon we're getting naked in my car. Now she tells me I'm gonna be a dad. I could kick myself 'cause I wish I had on
A muff moat, A stilt kilt, A large load stopper, A boom balloon, Or a totem pole topper, A wad pod, A wet suit, A gonad girdle.
Cause you never know when she might be fertile. Neutralize your schlong with a dong sarong. When you're in bed, use a tickler head And she'll think you're King Kong.
Wear a love glove, A squirt shirt, A gland end gorda, A bone beret, A flesh fedora.
Put one on every time you make it And hope to God that you don't break it!
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